life is easy, no?
A recent exchange of emails with a girlfriend prompted this entry. With her permission, I am sharing this on my blog.
She’d found out recently that a Christian she’d looked up to is now a single mother of a baby – a result of her 10-year relationship with a married man. And the relationship is still going on with her hoping that someday, marriage will happen.
According to my girlfriend, “she still has faith in God and reads her Bible everyday but just doesn’t have the courage to attend a church because of the stigma. Her previous church would never accept her. So, I invited her to xx (my church) and my cell-group. At least my cell-group has two single moms among us so she wouldn’t feel so judged. I told her that church ought to be a place for people who don’t have their life together. On the one hand, this is adultery but on the other hand, she is in need of acceptance. I guess my limited life experience and world view really could not prepare me for this. A person I admired so much as a faith giant has chosen to compromise after so many years of singlehood. She’s a mature adult and I have to trust that she knows what she is doing.
The consequence of this is that she now looks after her son fulltime and is dependent on the man’s limited provision. Her dire living condition forces me to think about visiting and doing something for her once every couple of months.”
“…I guess that is the best you can do for her at the moment – being supportive. As I grow older in life, I am beginning to realize that life is not all black and white. In fact, I wonder if God’s ever intended it to be that way. Perhaps, it is us who like life in black and white so it’s easier for us to respond accordingly. But life is not meant to be easy.
For instance, I shared a link on FB lately about ‘The Online Citizen’ (TOC- an alternative political platform on SG politics) and received a message from a friend afterward who visited that website and asked if I realized that they are supportive of gays cos they had a gay group banners on their website? I was like “so what?” Does that make them any less human? Or for that matter, does that make TOC a less credible source? To me, those are 2 separate issues here. But I guess that response could be typical of many Christians out there – “they are gays or associated with gays so let’s not hear them out at all”. To me, when I shared that link on FB, raising political awareness was what I wanted to do. It didn’t matter to me that they had a gay group banner on their website (yes, I was aware of that before my friend pointed that out). Yet interestingly, that was what my friend chose to focus on. And that is why the church will always find it difficult to handle the gay issue. How to when we put up our fists or cringe whenever we encounter them?
I think you did the right thing, xx. Jesus didn’t lecture the Samaritan woman (she with her ‘promiscuous’ history) at the well (John 4) – he’d simply pointed out to her who he was. And she drew her own conclusion. We were never told what happened to her in the end. Did she make right her existing relationship with the man who wasn’t even her husband then? Perhaps the ending wasn’t as important as the lesson Jesus wanted us to learn here. I will be saying a prayer for her tonight. Continue the great ministry you have with her.”